Can You Tell I'm Excited?

Goodbye Scotland

Jenna and I both woke up with homesickness this morning. I dreamt last night I was sleeping in my bed at home, and when I heard foot steps outside my door I could have sworn they were my mothers.

When I opened my eyes, I wasn't at home of course, and I had an overwhelming feeling of disappointment. This feeling will pass, as I've learned that my homesickness comes and goes. This time, it's probably the result of knowing I'll be leaving Edinburgh soon, and I'll have to say goodbye to Jenna who's the only real family I've had here. I've finally settled into this place and gotten to know the people, and now I'm leaving it behind me. I was surprised at how I've grown to love this city. It was a slow growing affection that has blossomed into true love. Many people I know love this city too, but not like I do. I will miss my beautiful flat, my friends and even the shit weather. I'll miss having to duck every time a double-decker drives past my window while I'm changing. I'll miss having to hide food from the mice. I'll even miss my shit job (but I'm sure I'll get over that quickly enough.) I haven't been a backpacker for the first leg of my trip which is how I planned it, but it was a very different experience from what I expected. I thought I'd make so many friends, meet handsome and exotic men, party all the time, jet set on the weekends to Spain or Portugal or where ever the wind blew me. Instead I've learned that I don't need any of that. It may sound silly, but this trip so far as mostly taught me that as long as I take it all in, what ever it may be, I'll be fine. The bad and the good; it's all part of the journey. I've been lonely and tired and bored and rejected, but it was all worth it. The bad bits make the good bits that much better.

So I'm taking off in a few weeks on the next leg of my journey, alone. I'm scared of course, mostly that I'll be lonely. But I've decided to revel in the solitude. I get to do whatever I want, all the time. If I want to take a ferry to this or that island, I can. If I want to park myself in Istanbul or Crete or Dubrovnik for a few weeks, there's nothing holding me back. I'm going to see and do things most people will never ever get to see and do. And when I get lonely and tired, which I will, I'll still take it in and live it. Just live through the pain. It wouldn't be the same experience without it.